I understand that as teens, we always want to be there for our parents. They have done so much for us, and we want to do the same for them as we get older.
However, we often forget that it is not our job.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to be there for your parents and have a friendship-like relationship with them.
What’s not okay is burdening your kids with “adult” problems.
No household doesn’t go through problems or marital disagreements. Involving your kids in them is a big no-no.
If you are a parent, it is your job to physically, mentally, and emotionally protect your child. Dragging them into your problems goes against that.
You may think your child doesn’t pay that much attention, but you’re mistaken. Kids and teens are very observant. They can sense when there is some tension between their parents.
And that’s where parents come in.
Teens already go through a massive wave of spiralling emotions almost every day. Seeing their parents fight doesn’t help. They only take problems that aren’t even their own and add them to said wave.
It would be best if you had a conversation with your children. Give them a basic understanding of how it is normal for couples to go through problems like these, but things will be okay in the end.
Here’s what you don’t AND SHOULDN’T wanna do:
You don’t get into details. You don’t tell your kid what a jerk their father has been or what awful thing he has done.
You are not only involving them in matters that shouldn’t concern them; you are also ruining a parent’s image for them. It’s traumatising when they hear what awful thing their parent is capable of.
That is borderline manipulation, which makes you just as awful as your partner.
You are manipulating your kid into hating their other parent just because you two are going through something.
Take a minute, and let that sink in.
What’s the central message of this article? I’ll gladly tell you.
To the parents, whatever issues you have going on, keep your children out of them. You are not only ruining their mental health now and raising their anxiety and fear; you are also affecting them in the long term.
They won’t be able to get into a relationship without thinking back to what they witnessed. You set an example for them, and now they are just following it.
And if you choose to go through a divorce, try your best not to make it messy. Talk to your kid about it and reassure them that this decision is for their good as well. Make them feel safe and secure.
It’s way better than using them as pawns in your disagreements. They aren’t reasons to blackmail your partner into doing what you want. Get that through your head, please.
And while we are on the subject of divorce, using your kids as an excuse to stay in a toxic marriage doesn’t make you a hero.
They are watching you be unhappy and struggling for them. This only makes them hurt even worse because now they believe they are the reason you are striving.
To my fellow teens, it is not your job to fix your parents.
You may feel like it is your responsibility or that you owe them, but you don’t.
Your parents chose to bring you into this world, so they owe you.