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Parenting Mistakes that are Normalized, But we Need to Talk About!

We all do mistakes, we can avoid some and fix others. But some are unfixable

parenting in egypt, El-Shai

A few days ago, a shocked family rushed to a police station in Alexandria to report the disappearance of their 13 year old, teenage girl. Less than 2 days later, the distressed family were reunited with the teenage daughter.

Apparently, the traumatized minor, as she explains in the below video, was being physically abused by her parents who used to hit her a lot with a wooden stick.

A teenage prefers the horror of the unknown on staying with her abusing parents.

Farah met a much older guy on TikTok, who she trusted so much because as she elaborates, cared to listen to her problems and showed sincere interest to take care of her. And after a violent incident with her parents, she decided to run away from her parents’ to Cairo to meet her virtual friend Ahmed.

Ahmed closed his phone and claimed to go through an accident and did not show up to pick Farah who met an oldish man that felt sorry for her and took her to stay with his wife and kids.

Then the family guy preferred to include the police in Farah case. The police managed to take Farah back to her family.

Let’s take a pause and discuss what happened here.

Now let’s take a look through what happened here: A 13 year old teenage preferred to risk running from the only place she ever had for a home to go to a new city to meet an anonymous person.

What would motivate her to go through what most probably sounded like horror?

The blaming comments on social media

parenting in egypt, El-Shai

Farah looks very concerned and scared in the picture

After this story has been outed to social media, so many comments came out to blame Farah for running away.

The comments, which were written mostly by girls, described the horrifying domestic violence they experienced with their families.

It’s very concerning that the girls described this violence in a sarcastic tone which considered it acceptable.

Apparently, domestic violence is very rooted in Egypt that it’s seen as the norm now.

Well! It is not acceptable. The physical violence against any family members is never the answer.

Raising your child is a very tricky journey. You can fuck them up very easily. You can make the terrors of the unknown more appealing than the comfort of your house to them. You can push them to run away to an anonymous person who might rape and abuse them in every possible way.

Not only domestic violence but so many other mistakes can lead your child to the above answers.

The 10 mistakes that ruin your child

1. Let them cry, do not hold them

parenting in egypt, El-Shai

Does it sound familiar? Toddlers are trying to cope with a strange and uncomfortable environment (the world) which is totally different from their first home (the mom’s womb). Don’t make it harder for them. They could be crying for several reasons. A bad sleeping position. The light is too strong/ weak. They are bored from staring at the ceiling. It doesn’t have to be hungry or has a dirty diaper. Find out!

2. Sarcasm 

Children are adorable. When they cry on their baby issues/ needs, we make fun, of what we think as silliness, with friends. But we shouldn’t. Making fun of kids makes them lose trust in themselves and us.

I would love you if you did this and that. God wouldn’t love you if you did this or that. Sounds familiar?
It’s the worst kind of love you can offer your kid. Once they mess up, they will feel unloved, regardless of what you do to prove the opposite. Use alternative lines, like: I wouldn’t say I like it when you do this and that. I love it when you do this and that. Always love or do not love the behaviour but not the child.

3. Depending on previous experience

The worst we can do to our children is using one method of raising on all of them. Even you used this method on their siblings, and it worked, this kid is a unique person with different features and requires a new method of teaching and motivating.

5. The gender moulds

parenting in egypt, El-Shai

Placing the child in a specific gender mould can affect the way they are expressing themselves, which can lead to a very horrible influence on their psychological growth and their acceptance of who they are. So what if the boy likes Barbies and the girl likes trucks? It’s okay. It’s who they are.

6. The forced touches

Everyone loves kids! especially the perverts! If they don’t want to be kissed and hugged by your friends, then don’t force them. Otherwise, you are giving them a horrible body image and deforming their sexual culture. Teach them that it’s okay to say no.

7. Do not rush the child

parenting in egypt, El-Shai
This tiny thing has tiny feet and tiny muscles, not to mention his tiny experience in life. Do not expect him to dress up in 5 minutes or hurry up walking because you are late. You should be prepared earlier!

8. The monster parent

We can all be a monster parent. Big and well prepared to eat the kid’s issues. But we shouldn’t. We have to let them moderately face their own problems, figure things out. You don’t want them to expect a grown-up to show up and make things right when they are in their 30s.

9. Double signals

It’s hard to remember every teeny tiny thing you said to the kid. But you should! Saying something and coming back later with it’s opposite is destructive to the child’s growing philosophy about life. And worst of all, it’s destructive to their trust in you.

10. Physical punishment

This is the worst you can do to a kid. It doesn’t matter how angry you are or what the kid did. They don’t deserve to be beaten. Use alternative motivating methods. Figure it out.

Life is hard, and mistakes happen. We do the best we can and hope it works. The most important to do is to teach your kid to trust you and love themselves. When they can depend on themselves to sail in the dark waters of life, then your mission is done successfully. You need them to love and trust you as a parent.

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What do you think?

Written by Ahmed Dahabi

Blogger. Interested in cinematic, literature and fashion criticism. And the flamboyant boy, vogueing in the party

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