Friendships are amazing—until everyone’s suddenly doing wildly different things. One friend just got married. Another’s pulling all-nighters for their startup. Someone else is still trying to figure out what career path even makes sense. And you? You’re somewhere in the middle, watching everyone scatter in different directions.
If this feels a little too real, you’re not alone. Maintaining friendships when everyone’s on different timelines can be tough, but it’s definitely doable.
Change is Going to Happen—Accept It
Your weekend party buddy is now responding to emails at 2 a.m. or changing diapers instead of making brunch plans. It stings a bit, but it’s not about you—it’s just where they are right now.
Stop expecting things to stay exactly like they were in college or your early twenties. Get comfortable with the fact that friendships shift, and that’s normal. Figure out new ways to connect instead of clinging to old routines that no longer fit.
Growth doesn’t automatically mean drifting apart. Sometimes it just means adjusting how you show up for each other.
Match Their Energy (Without Forcing It)
Your friend might not have three hours to spare for a coffee-and-gossip marathon anymore. That doesn’t mean they’ve ghosted you or stopped caring. They’re just juggling a different kind of chaos.
Suggest shorter hangouts—a 30-minute coffee run beats nothing. If they’ve got kids, offer to meet at a park where the kids can run around while you catch up. Try using voice notes or quick video calls if your schedules don’t align. Cut them slack when plans fall through. Life gets messy.
Celebrate Their Wins (Even When You’re Not Winning)
This part’s hard. Your friend lands their dream job while you’re still job-hunting. They’re engaged while you’re recovering from a breakup. Jealousy creeps in, and suddenly you feel weird about being happy for them.
Their success isn’t proof that you’re failing. Everyone’s timeline is different. Hype them up anyway. Genuine support keeps friendships alive. Be honest about your own struggles. Real friends get it.
Opening up about what you’re going through brings you closer. Nobody wants a friendship that’s all surface-level “I’m fine.”
Talk About It (Without Being Dramatic)
Feeling distant? Don’t sit there resenting them for being busy. Just say something.
“I miss hanging out with you” works better than “You never have time for me anymore.” Keep it simple: “I know you’re swamped, but I’d love to catch up whenever you’re free.” Send random check-ins. Even a “hey, how are you holding up?” can matter.
Respect That Their Life Isn’t Yours
Not everyone wants the same things, and that’s fine. Your life doesn’t have to look like theirs for the friendship to work.
Don’t compare your chapter to theirs. You’re both doing your own thing. Support their choices, even if you wouldn’t make them yourself. Appreciate what makes them different instead of trying to relate to everything.
Get Creative About Staying Close
Your friendship won’t look like it did five years ago, but it doesn’t have to disappear either. You just need to figure out what works now.
Schedule regular FaceTime dates or monthly dinners—whatever’s realistic. Start a shared playlist, group chat with memes, or binge the same show and discuss. Send voice notes. They’re weirdly intimate and way easier than texting paragraphs.
Small efforts count. A random “this reminded me of you” text or tagging them in something funny keeps the thread alive.
Know When It’s Time to Step Back
Not every friendship survives every life phase, and forcing it doesn’t help anyone. If the relationship feels one-sided, exhausting, or toxic, let it fade.
Ask yourself if this friendship still feels good or if you’re holding on out of guilt. Have an honest conversation if you’re both willing to do so. Walk away without turning it into drama. You can appreciate what it was without making it last forever.
Outgrowing a friendship doesn’t erase the good memories. It just means you’re both moving forward.
Friendships Shift—That’s Just Reality
Staying close when everyone’s doing different things takes effort. You have to be patient, communicate, and accept that things won’t always feel the same. But the friendships that survive all that? They’re the ones worth keeping.
Your lives might look completely different, but if you care enough, you’ll find ways to stay connected. Because real friendship isn’t about seeing each other all the time—it’s about knowing you’re still there for each other when it counts.
Got a friend you haven’t talked to in a while? Maybe now’s the time to send that text.
