Every workplace has that one person who looks incredibly busy but doesn’t actually get much done. They’re the masters of appearances, creating an illusion of productivity while leaving others to pick up the slack.
Here’s how to spot the telltale signs of toxic or fake productivity, so you can focus on real collaboration and avoid getting caught in their web.
1. The Notebook Faker
What they do: They’re always scribbling in a notebook during meetings, looking like they’re drafting the next big idea. In reality, they’re doodling or writing random words to seem engaged.
How to spot it:
- Their notebook has more scribbles than actual actionable notes.
- They never seem to share or follow up on the brilliant ideas they supposedly wrote down.
2. The Headphone Hermit
What they do: They wear noise-cancelling headphones all day, giving the impression they’re in deep focus. In reality, they’re zoning out or watching Netflix.
How to spot it:
- They’re nodding or smiling at their screen—but not at work-related content.
- They avoid eye contact to dodge conversations or requests for help.
3. The Coffee Cup Prop Master
What they do: They’re always holding a coffee cup, acting like they’re running on caffeine and hard work. But is there even coffee in that cup?
How to spot it:
- They dramatically sip their coffee whenever asked about progress but give vague answers.
- Their “just so much to do” excuse never comes with concrete results.
4. The Meeting Scheduler
What they do: They’re constantly scheduling meetings with vague titles like “Strategic Sync” or “Alignment Check-in.” Meetings are their favorite way to seem indispensable.
How to spot it:
- Meetings rarely result in actionable outcomes.
- They use buzzwords like “synergy” and “circle back” without adding real value.
5. The Overloaded Desktop Hoarder
What they do: Their desktop is a chaotic mess of folders and open tabs, which they proudly display during screen shares to appear overloaded with work.
How to spot it:
- Many files have names like “Draft_Final_ActualFinal.”
- They’re quick to close irrelevant tabs when someone’s watching.
6. The Productivity App Pretender
What they do: They brag about using apps like Notion or Asana but don’t actually understand how they work.
How to spot it:
- Their “dashboard” is full of placeholders or irrelevant tasks.
- They drop terms like “Kanban board” but never show tangible results.
7. The Notification Ghost
What they do: They’re always “unreachable” because they’re in “Do Not Disturb” mode, claiming to be in back-to-back meetings.
How to spot it:
- They take ages to respond but never seem to have meaningful updates.
- Their calendar is filled with mysterious “private” events.
8. The Buzzword Expert
What they do: They speak in buzzwords and corporate jargon to sound knowledgeable, even when they’re not contributing much.
How to spot it:
- They overuse phrases like “scalable solutions” and “impactful strategies.”
- When asked for specifics, they deflect with, “Let’s take this offline.”
9. The Always-Busy Calendar Keeper
What they do: Their calendar is jam-packed with meetings, giving the illusion they’re in high demand.
How to spot it:
- Most of their meetings are recurring with no clear outcomes.
- They’re always “too busy” to collaborate but can’t point to completed projects.
10. The Thinking Break Performer
What they do: They take “thinking breaks” that involve staring off into the distance, pretending they’re solving big problems.
How to spot it:
- They’re more dramatic than thoughtful, often muttering phrases like, “Hmm, this could work…”
- Their “brilliant ideas” rarely turn into actionable plans.
Recognizing fake productivity can help you navigate workplace dynamics and focus on genuine collaboration. While these behaviors can be amusing, they’re also a reminder to prioritize meaningful work over appearances. If you spot these red flags, tread carefully—and maybe even share this article with a friend (or a co-worker who needs a reality check).
What’s the most “fake productive” behavior you’ve seen? Share your stories in the comments.
