When someone asks us what our biggest fear is, our mind starts to wander. We think, is it spiders? Clowns? Heights? Darkness? We think about the most superficial things that should not even be considered as real fears. We are not afraid of these things. We would just prefer to not be in a situation where we’d have to deal with them. It’s not fear. We’re merely trying to stay comfortable and keep our peace of mind.
I personally think we all have one common fear.
Addiction is the worst because it plays on our deepest darkest desires. The desires we know we shouldn’t have, but crave insatiably. It doesn’t have to be to drugs or alcohol. We could be addicted to anything around us. We can be addicted to places, things, feelings, and worst of all, people.
Getting addicted to people is probably one of the most exciting and scary things we can ever go through. It’s exciting because it’s new. It’s something that makes our heart race and electricity to course through our bodies, lighting up the darkest parts of our hearts. It’s like being literally high on happiness, and we can’t get enough. The beginnings are always the most exciting. They are the moments that make us feel the most alive.
We wish it would never end…but eventually it does. It always does. That’s when it becomes scary. You see, being addicted to people is the worst because you cannot control it.
They can disappear out of your life just like a gust of wind, and you’ll never know why. You start to crave their presence because it’s the only thing that makes you feel safe. That makes you feel happy. And when that feeling is suddenly ripped away from us, all we are left with is desperation and longing.
Desperation to fill the void in our hearts; which we usually fill with another void.
Yet it’s not as satisfying, and it doesn’t give us the same feeling of euphoria. The feeling of emptiness is like an itch we cannot scratch. We feel a sense of darkness hovering over our heart.
It doesn’t kill us, but it doesn’t let us breathe.
They say memories keep us going. They will be sweet traces of the happiness we felt. They are like places we can visit when we feel nostalgic. The truth is, we don’t want those memories, anymore. Because now they are nothing but constant reminders of the person we got addicted to. They are always the most painful because we can remember how happy we used to be, but we cannot feel it anymore.
It’s fascinating how we know something, but our hearts are refusing to believe it. It’s like an inside war that keeps raging on as long as we keep going after our desires. The heart holds out hope for their special someone to come back, slay the demons outside its door, and save it from ever falling. It holds out hope that maybe its special someone is also restless at night.
However, the mind knows they are not. It knows that they are fast asleep in someone else’s arms. That they feel the safety and comfort, we are longing to feel with them with someone else. Someone that is not us. Even then, we don’t want to stop craving them, because they are the only love we’ve ever known.
We not only crave the pleasure this addiction gives us, but also the pain. Pain is one of the most life-changing aspects of our lives, and we need it to feel alive. So after this painful wave passes. After we find our inner strength. After we know our true worth.
We should remember the intensity of the pleasure and the pain we felt. We should use it to remind ourselves that when the next person comes along, we’ll feel just the same. However, this time we’ll learn to avoid the addiction. This time we’ll see it coming, and we’ll learn to follow our hearts, but take our brains along.
Getting addicted to the wrong person is the most beautiful thing that could kill your light and shatter the walls of your heart. It knows that pain is inevitable, yet choosing to race to it as fast as you can, as long as you can.